For friends & family

When someone you love turns to you, how you respond matters.

If a loved one has confided in you about sexual violence, your steady, believing presence can be the beginning of their healing. This is a guide for showing up — with the right words, careful listening, and care for yourself, too.

How to help

Four ways to be there — with care and intention.

When someone shares an experience of sexual violence with you, your response shapes what comes next. Each card below is a small practice you can lean on, in the moment or over time.

Listen without judgement

Allow them to speak without interruption until they are done. Thank them for trusting you with their story and assure them you do not doubt it. Remind them — gently and clearly — that this experience was not their fault. Offer to help them access resources, but let them decide what to do next, and support whatever they choose.

Choose affirming responses

Let them know you believe what they are telling you and that you do not blame them for what happened. A few phrases that help:

“I believe your experience happened as you say it did.

“You are very brave for reaching out to talk about this.

“I’m here to support and listen to you.

“You did nothing to deserve what happened to you.

“This experience is not your fault.

“You can take breaks anytime while we talk about this.

Offer ongoing support & resources

Do not make promises you may not be able to keep. If you’re not able to offer ongoing support, suggest other places they can turn. If you are able and willing to be part of their healing process, here are gentle ways to open that door:

“What can I do to best support you right now?

“I am here to support you in whatever you choose to do next.

“Are you interested in learning about some resources?

“Are you interested in reporting to law enforcement?

“I’m here to help in whatever way sounds best to you.

“If you want to talk again another time, I am available.

When it feels right, encourage your loved one to contact our 24/7 Helpline at (410) 857-7322 — or to walk in for assistance.

Take time for self-care afterwards

Learning that a loved one has experienced sexual violence can be upsetting, difficult, and may surface your own trauma history. Please take the time to care for yourself and reach out for support if you need it. Our services — including therapy — are available to friends and family members of victim-survivors.

Eat a meal, rest well

Time with loved ones

Breathe mindfully

Yoga or stretching

Warm shower or bath

For information about therapy & support groups, visit our Therapy & Support Groups page, or call our office at (410) 857-0900.

Responses to avoid

Even with the best intentions, some responses can cause harm.

A supportive response can make an enormous positive difference. A hurtful one — even if unintentional — can be damaging or re-traumatizing. If you’ve responded in any of these ways before, you can still be supportive moving forward. Please reach out for yourself if you need it, too.

Do not try to take control away from the victim-survivor

They have been through an experience where power and control were taken from them. Let them make their own decisions about next steps. Don’t assume what they want, or decide for them. Don’t treat them as if they are damaged or try to distract them unless they ask you to. Keep their confidence and privacy — unless you are required by mandatory reporting laws, in which case be honest about the next steps and offer for them to be present while reporting if they would like.

Do not blame the victim

Sexual violence is never the victim-survivor’s fault. Don’t ask “why did you…?” or “why didn’t you…?” questions. Don’t ask about what they were wearing, drinking habits, their relationship with the perpetrator, or their sexual history. Don’t ask whether they fought back, screamed, or said “no.” Don’t soften or justify the perpetrator’s actions. Don’t minimize or trivialize — especially with phrases that start with “at least.”

Keep the focus on them

Don’t share your own story at this time unless they specifically ask and you feel safe doing so. Don’t compare their experience to your own or to others you’ve heard of. Don’t press for more details than they choose to share. Don’t respond in an overly angry or upset manner — this puts pressure on the victim-survivor to manage your reaction on top of their own. Seek help for yourself at another time.

Avoid harmful language

Even when you care deeply, some statements can land as hurtful. The comparator below shows phrases to avoid and gentler alternatives you can reach for instead.

Try to avoid

“It couldn’t have happened that way.”
“You have to report this and press charges right away.”
“I’m so mad at them. I can’t believe they did that!”
“I am devastated. This is an awful story to hear.”
“Let’s talk about something else less upsetting for you.”
“You just need to ______ and it will be fine.”

Try instead

“I believe you. Thank you for telling me.”
“Whatever you decide to do next, I’ll support you.”
“I’m here. Take whatever time you need.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“Would you like to keep talking, or take a pause?”
“What would feel most supportive right now?”

Support is available for you, too.

Our hotline advocates are here for you, as someone affected by another person’s experience. Therapy and support groups are open to friends and family members of victim-survivors — at no cost, confidentially.

Aimee AI chatbot

Chat with Aimee, your private assistant for documenting, understanding, and preparing for the next step in your journey.

Therapy & support groups

Free, trauma-informed therapy and peer groups for survivors — and for those supporting them.

Human Trafficking program

Specialized advocacy and navigation for survivors of human trafficking across the region.